Veiled Truths
by Paper Pearls
Summary: Pansy loves Draco. She is fully aware that he doesn't love her back, despite his belief that he does. What is there left to be done?


**This is my response to Day 8 of Sinistra Black's "Sheherazad/Day By Day" challenge, and it is based around one of my absolute favourite quotations from a film.**

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"_Where is this love? I can't see it, I can't touch it. I can't feel it. I can hear it. I can hear some words, but I can't do anything with your easy words." __-Alice in 'Closer' (2004)_

With all of her heart she was in love with Draco Malfoy, but with every passing day it became clearer to Pansy that he did not return her feelings. It was not that he did not care about Pansy, because he certainly did, but rather that his feelings were only a pale reflection of those she had for him, and Pansy knew it. Being in Draco's arms felt wonderful, though; it was as though it was exactly where she was _supposed_ to be, and Pansy didn't know how to give that feeling up.

"What are you thinking about?" Draco reached out, plucked a tulip from Professor Sprout's flowerbed without the slightest hesitation and trailed it down the centre of Pansy's face. They were lazing about in the summer sun and taking advantage of the secluded gardens that were, strictly speaking, out of bounds. Feeling as though she had been caught doing something wrong, Pansy rolled onto her stomach and away from the sensual pleasure of the flower petals, velvety against her skin.

"Not much- just enjoying being outside like this: it's so tranquil." After almost six years in Slytherin Pansy was well versed in the art of misleading others: she knew that it was most effective to be equivocal whilst using an element of the truth to distract.

"I know that's not true." Draco frowned slightly, the expression emphasising the sharpness of his well sculpted features. For a brief moment Pansy closed her eyes- it was endlessly frustrating that he couldn't see how she was trying her best to preserve what they had- and when she opened them again he was still fixing her with that determined, curious gaze of his.

"No, it's not." With a delicate smile Pansy conceded the point, but still she did not give in. She ruffled her brown bob in a casual gesture before continuing. "It's just that... you know how much I love you, don't you Draco?"

"Of course I do, and I'm always going to love you too." But there was an empty quality to Draco's words, and even if he wasn't aware of it, it chipped at Pansy's heart. As he gathered her in his arms Pansy didn't resist, and she stared unseeingly at the brick wall when he kissed her neck. The youngest Malfoy had never meant any harm, but in his ignorance he was making Pansy miserable, and she felt that there wasn't enough air in the entire world to reach her lungs.

"'Always'- Draco, how can you know what's going to come? How can you tell what's going to happen?" The instant he pulled away from her, Pansy mourned the loss of contact. Her skin felt especially cold as a breeze came into contact with the places he had licked at.

"Ah, sometimes I don't understand you." His words were spoken with a jovial tone designed to diffuse the growing tension between them, but there was an underlying hardness to them that Pansy instantly resented. It was _Draco_, not she, that was oblivious to the true state of their relationship. For three long years Pansy had waited, since their third year, for Draco to finally love her, but she knew in that instant that it would never happen: he was incapable of reciprocating her emotions.

"No- no you don't." Freeing herself of the embrace, Pansy stood, wrapped her arms around herself and stared at Draco. Looking at him and seeing the first man she had ever truly loved was a bittersweet pleasure, a double-edged sword. Despite what she stood to lose, Pansy's tone was strangely calm.

"What does that mean?" Draco's grey eyes widened slightly as though he could sense her frantic unease and it scared him. She watched as his fright morphed into a slight sneer- the facade he would always use to protect himself. Suddenly she was furious at his weakness and lack of insight- he _wasn't_ capable of loving her- and the disparaging way in which he repeated himself only served to fuel her anger. "What does that _mean_, Pansy? What does that _really mean_?"

"_Nothing_- it means _nothing_ to you, none of it does!" As her words echoed around the quiet courtyard Pansy covered her mouth in shock. She heard the startled beating of wings as a flock of birds vacated a nearby tree and flew into the clear blue sky. Draco softened as she saw the tears welling up in her eyes. Once he had described them as being like jade, only alive. He sprung to his feet and clasped Pansy against him. In a way that usually made her calm, Draco stroked her hair and tucked it behind her ear.

"I love you Pansy, even though you drive me crazy when you do this, even though it drives me mad when you pick these bizarre thoughts out of thin air, I adore you." It would be so easy to relax against him and be soothed by the gentle inflection in his voice, but one day he would realise everything and it would be _humiliating_. Pansy loved him, but there was only so much that she could endure. She could carry her shame with her privately, but to have it unfolded and shown to everyone who wanted to see it was more than she could stand to think of. She brushed her hands across Draco's firm torso and swallowed.

"But it doesn't, Draco. It doesn't even scratch the surface of what you do to me, and you don't see that." Pansy took a hesitant step back, the perfumes of floral blooms choking her with their cloying sweetness. "You don't love me; you think that you love me."

"Of course I love you." Draco grasped her shoulders firmly, and even in this proximity she knew that a key element of the love he professed was missing from his eyes. Pansy shrugged him off and shook her head until the grass beneath her blurred with hot, heavy tears.

"That's a shallow, empty lie, Draco. And I can't live in it with you. Sooner or later you'll understand." Pansy's voice cracked. Unable to witness his reaction, she crouched to pick up her wand and her shoes before heading back towards the castle.

She didn't allow herself to cry as she padded through the stone halls of Hogwarts. Almost every other student was outside which meant that she had free roam of the dungeons. Inside the castle walls, she could no longer feel the warmth of the sun. Her pride was intact, but the victory was hollow. All that remained was the burning ache of his absence, although Draco had never truly been there.

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**Thanks for reading. Please review.**


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